March 15, 2006 -

Master Biscuit

2005 in Review.

It's a relatively short list, nowhere near as Brokeback as the Oscars, but we thought we'd throw our opinion into the mix and highlight our favorites from 2005. We don't actually have a best game or best actor category, but if we did, it would be God of War and Jack Russel (Radiata Stories). With that aside, we give you the very few categories we do have, which were produced in under 15 minutes. Enjoy!

Best RPG: Radiata Stories

Few times in our days have we discovered a title so full of life and creativity that we just completely ignored their existence until early 2006. Still, Radiata Stories presents a world bursting with Elves and Elf-like creatures, as well as the human kingdom and their eventual clashing, told through the eyes of Jack Russel, a young knight-wannabe, like his badass super father. The core of the story is rather involved and emotional, but ultimately, this game is a comedy, targeting the vigor of pubescent youth to capture lighthearted scenes. Presented with top-notch graphics, superb voice acting, a free-roaming adventure battle system, and the ability to kick anything and everyone for no apparent reason other than pilfering coins and starting fights, Radiata Stories is a fun romp through another dimension of Square-Enix. I haven�t enjoyed a title like this in years.

Best Action/Adventure Title: God of War

This wasn�t even a contest. God of War gave gamers so many combination attacks with a hard and bloody graphical interface that you felt wet after tearing a beast to a bloody pulp. Great story, great villains, unbelievable fighting sequences, and now, $19.99.

Best Fighting: Soul Calibur III

Not since the Dead or Alive series have I enjoyed flipping and twirling a half-naked female through the air for the express purpose of embarrassing my friends. The customization feature was a great improvement on the SC series and allowed gamers to put together a character that dug deep into their psyches and pulled out their deepest fetishes. Seriously, I had bikini-clad ninjas womping pirates. I couldn�t have been happier.

Best Racing: Burnout Revenge

Mmm. Shiny. Everything was so shiny and fast. I'll never love a racing series like I've loved the Burnout series, and hell, the music is just as fast and pumped as the racing. Each one has just gotten better, an idea that some sequels should take more seriously.

Best Story: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Before Jack Bauer, there was Solid Snake. Presenting a tale deep in the Cold War era (and deep behind Soviet borders), MGS3 wove the perfect tale of espionage, war, politics, love, loss, and betrayal. With lengthy and frequent cutscenes (which factor out to be somewhere around 3.5 hours when all is said and done), the game presented the perfect mix of action and story. MGS3 laid the foundation for every other MG game as a prequel, but definitely raised all the standards for any tactical espionage game to follow.

MGS3: Subsistence is now available (similar to the re-releases of previous MGS games that included the VR missions), adding a plethora of extra features to the already perfect game, including a nearly flawless online mode. If you haven�t picked up this game before, do so now for $29.99. And make sure you�re connected to a high-speed internet connection.

Most Visually Stimulating Game: Shadow of the Colossus

Gamers who played ICO may have been confused at first, until they crawled up the back of a 50 foot titan and stabbed it in the back of the head. Then it was clear that a new game had arisen, complete with graphics that make you wonder why they didn�t just sell you a game that you had to watch instead of play. The entire world was crafted to be appreciated and ridden across on your tranquil horse, Aggro. Just�keep riding. If you find the need to engage in combat, that�s cool, just�let me watch.

Most Aurally Stimulating Game: �Shadow of the Colossus

There was some kind of emotionally numbing soundtrack that came along with this game, immediately calming my every nerve. It was reminiscent to the old Ecco the Dolphin series. On the Sega CD, an orchestral pleasantry allowed the dolphin and I to just relax together. Same with Shadow. Pet the horse. Tell him he�s a good horse.

Best Aggro: Shadow of the Colossus!!

He was, in fact, a good horse. Aggro was controlled by moving your analog stick properly to kick at his sides and slap the reigns; to yell �YAH!� and storm ahead, keeping it locked forward to make the horse gallop. The programmers had a field day with this horse, giving him all the proper mannerisms, even fear of places he didn�t feel he could leap over, especially after the last hill you forced him to jump�

Best Villain: Ares, the god of war

He�s the god of war, people. This doesn�t require a lot of explanation. If you beat him, you rank among the few who are also capable of engaging Highlanders in combat.

Best Packaging: Dragon Quest VIII

One reason: Final Fantasy XII demo. �Nuff said.

Best Non-Mainstream Title: Indigo Prophecy

This was a pleasant surprise in a sea of �been there, done that� titles. Indigo Prophecy seemed different, and it was, in fact, quite revolutionary. Some people complain about too many in-game movies. How about a game that IS a movie, where you have control over the actions, conversations, and camera? What if every time you played you could do things different? Did you take the knife from the crime scene or did you forget? You were nervous about that cop coming with that dramatic music blaring and the countdown ticker shrinking so you just ran. How will the police analyze your murder? Was it pre-meditated because of such a tidy clean-up, accidental, vicious, random? Why did you clean that up but forget this clue? Heh. With innovative control sequences and constant visual stimulation, plus a story that never gets less strange, this game ranks up there with some of Mulder and Scully�s best paranormal cases.

Best Holy Shit Everything Just Exploded Title: Mercenaries

I�ve blown things up before, sure. But the fact that I blew them up 17 times, dropped $360,000 on an airstrike, and then threw some asshole in the side of a helicopter to gain a cool million was just more satisfying than anything. Politics? A little. More like �this guy hates this country and will pay you to hate it with him for the next 30 minutes.� After, whore yourself out to another faction. It doesn�t matter. You�re not from there. Blow the whole damn place apart. Fire is pretty.

Biggest Disappointment: DBZ Budokai Tenkaichi

Seriously, it wasn�t broken, why did they try to fix it? They had all the right ideas but all the wrong execution. Camera controls were more complicated than the fighting controls. Half the time, I couldn�t find my enemy long enough to hit him. I loved the stages and the story progression, but I couldn�t stand fighting through them. Budokai 3 should�ve been the last great improvement, but I�m sure there will be a Tenkaichi 2, 3, 4, and 5 that will try to add another 3 characters and improve all the screw-ups.

Worst Fucking Game of 2005: Matrix: Path of Neo

�I. Am. SAUSAGE.� Yeeaah. Um. Voice acting, story-telling, cutscene-splicing, direction, writing� nobody felt the need to include any of these things, huh? It was fun to punch and kick things, but I thought, hell, maybe games should include more. In this case, however, I want no more. Ever. This game never existed.
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Fun how we didn't have a best game but we had a worst, huh? 2005 was sad, but 2006 is shaping up to be so much better. I'll give you an updated review on 24 and a complete review of Black next time. If you haven't already, sell someone's blood and buy Black. It's the best shooting game I've ever played in my entire life.

- Don