February 09, 2004 -

Master Photographer

So after purchasing a feather duster to clean my way through the heap of soot and such, I placed my hands on Beyond Good & Evil, for the PS2. This is a very cool, crisp, and overall entertaining and interactive game. I've been snapping photographs of animals, cloggering alien lifeform mutations that have formed in the planets natural ecosystem, and have just signed on to an underground resistence movement dedicated to finding photogenic evidence of a government conspiracy. Woo. It's cartoony, and its meant to be, thus, shining in its glory. Buy it. It's like 20-30 bucks because of marketing failures.

All the big releases are coming up in the next two months, now, some more drooling than others. Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles can kiss my everloving ass, and Square-Enix? You cockbiting fucktards should all be drug INTO THE ROAD and shot to death. So, what they're telling me is that I have to purchasing a Gameboy Advance for every person I want to play in this 4-player simultaneous game. Let's do the math, shall we?

... $450, for four Gameboy Advances, and the game, on my $100 Gamecube. Ah, fuck me, link cables. Okay, so like... even more money. $500? Let's say you only want to play with one person. WELL FUCK YOU, BUDDY. Two Gameboy Advances, the game, and two link cables still averages just under $300. I mean, I can have the patience to sit quietly while my roommate configures his magic options on his controller. They're all supposed to be easily accessed in the game, anyway, through a submenu that does not pause the game, regardless of controller, so what's the difference? You know what the fucking difference is? Marketing. Fuck Gameboy, and fuck Nintendo.

... Until Metal Gear: Twin Snakes comes out March 8.

Moving on to another rapidly approaching title, tell me this doesn't look like Mulder. If you click on videos, they have a teaser trailer posted. The game is due early March for PS2. I think X-Box is out in February.

So it seems that Final Fantasy XI, also out in late March, is going to be costing me $150 for the PS2. $50 for the game, and $100 for the 40 gig hard drive required to play the game, receive updates and downloads and connect to the internet and make coffee. Wait, fuck me, another $40 for the keyboard, so I can rapidly type WTF as a Field Mouse bites my digital nuts off. And the ever classic FO, FU, lol, BYTE ME A$$!!!11oneone, and other choice phrases. God, why did I think this was a good idea? .... Probably because Gabe over at Penny Arcade mentioned there were ninjas. That has to be it.

I'm sure I had something else to say, but I've run out of time. Tune in next week when we decapitate Ria for no particular reason. Good night!