January 14, 2004 -

Here's a big "Go Directly to Hell. Do not pass Purgatory. Do not collect $200." to Jim for being visitor # 666. Say hello to the Big Red for me, and make sure that double-crossing bastard still has my lava-side property laid out.

My Final Fantasy gaming has altered my image a bit. Be thankful it's not a half-naked woman wearing a Moogle costume. Believe me -- it was difficult not to succumb to that urge. So, that is a Cactuar. What is a Cactuar? ... It's a fucking cactus, dude. Their special 1000 Needles attack is just hillarious to watch, until your character goes "Bl-eeegh" and falls over in a dust-puffing flop against the ground. That sort of sucks.

That's a Chocobo. People ride them. You can also breed them on farms by feeding them conscious-altering seeds and have them nail each other. Final Fantasy considers this an advantageous thing to do, because the resulting baby Choco has "attributes" that make it "special." If the same were to happen to a human, they'd call it retarded.

I love this game to death. Charlie's Angels meets Final Fantasy X. Pick it up. Please. If you do, I'll stop talking about it.

... Until Crystal Chronicles comes out next month.

- Don