November 25, 2004 -

Master Snake

Who are the Patriots?

The La Le Lu Li Lo? ...Anyone? No? Didn't think so.

As a summation of the entire Metal Gear series, my single most pertinent question remains: Who the everloving fuck are these Patriots? If the overwhelmingly clear answer was presented in MGS2, I certainly missed it. Of course, my second question is: Konami, would you produce your most beautiful game designer and allow me to marry her?

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater is the single most beautiful and realistic game I have ever played in my entire life. Halo 2? Fuck Halo 2. Fuck it right in the ear. Useless ass, "we can juice them even more with Halo 3 piece of trash." Ahem. Right, sorry. Focus.

If the opening movie sequences and ongoing media footage directly from the 1960s aren't impressive enough for you, then my god, do we have more. A stamina guage has been implimented in this sequel-prequel. What does this gauge do, Don? I'm glad you asked. This gauge judges how long you've been playing the game and tells you to turn off the game and take a fucking nap. Also, when you're hungry. This directly relates to the game's hero, Solid Snake, and his necessity for rest and food. Without food, his stamina decreases, allowing for increased damage from enemies, slower healing rates, and a shaking, hunger-deprived gun hand. Your vision blurs, your hand twitches. You can't focus, and you can't aim. Also, the guards just heard your growling stomach.

So what do you eat? Well, look around. There are bugs, birds, rats, snakes, fruit, mushrooms, fish...basicaly, if its alive and not people, you can eat it. If you keep it too long, it spoils. Some mushrooms are poison. Some things just plain taste bad and will barely recover your stamina. You can catch living animals in traps and keep them much longer than chopped up dead food. Does all of this sound disgusting? Wait till you see him bite into that dead snake. Mmm. Snake Eater.

But eating increases your stamina, and stamina increases your healing rate. Healing rate? Oh my, yes. When you get shot, stabbed, fall from a high tree branch, or pull your groin after a hard sprint and no warm-up stretches, you're required to heal Snake, either with medicine, surgery (knives, yay!), or dumb luck and prayer. Surgery is the most efficient, yanking out a bullet with your survival knife, applying ointment for the wound, stitches, sturges, bandages. Yay! Now you won't bleed to death. But if you think that dumb luck and prayer comment was a joke, heh... By turning off the game and walking away, this allows Snake to "rest," and when you return, he may have healed naturally from his afflictions. I shit you not. Then, with all your wounds and toxins cleaned and your stomach full, your life guage gradually replenishes, more so or less so depending on your stamina.

Much like every previous Metal Gear Solid game, stealth is the only option. I may have yet to perfect it in any way, but it's technically the only option. However, unlike previous games, survival is based upon camoflauge. In the bushes? Put on that bush jacket. Tree bark? We got that. It's night time, is it? Black camo gear. But what about that attractive pale face? ...Face paint, many styles. Snow, Desert, Jungle, Indoor Ops, they've got it all.

Did I mention that sneaking up on a soldier is almost impossible, since the ground tends to have branches that crack under your boots, and your movement tends to shift tall grass, and the soldiers are keen to all this activity? ...Yeah.

Even the weaponry is realistic. You have a trusted tranquilizer gun, sure. It even has a silencer. The catch? This is 1964. Every shot wears out the silencer. After a certain amount of wear and tear, it won't silence anymore. Night vision? Thermal goggles? Sure. They're hunks of technological shit, barely functioning through static focused vision. But it's amazingly cool! Even essential for certain aspects of the game. Just be prepared to stress your eyes probably about as much as the real Solid Snake would.

The imagination stretches beyond realism on the single aspect of the game's villains, as it always has in the previous games. The Cobras, as they are called, are infused with supernatural abilities, all named for the emotions they carry into combat, and the powers they possess. The Fear, the Pain, the Sorrow, the End. They're awesome to watch, and even harder to kill. Good luck.

This game? 10/10. Highest rating ever. You don't have to know a damn thing about any previous Metal Gear game to follow it. In fact, it works as a perfect lead-in to prepare you for MGS 1 and 2. Gorgeous graphics, uncanny realism, solid story, Solid Snake. Buy it now, play it all next week. I know I will.

- Don