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December 16, 2004 -
If you had a script, wouldn't you throw it out, too? Ocean's Twelve is just one more excuse to get drunk tonight. The concept of taking twelve exceptional actors and placing them together with the inspired chemistry of the first hugely successful film is brilliant. Following them with a camcorder and allowing them to speak without the necessity of a script or a plot is not. With the elaborate and altogether phenominal plot construction of Ocean's Eleven, one would expect a writer of mild intelligence to re-develop the original chemistry between the characters, utilizing their individual talents to perform a feat of unimagineable cunning, wiping a priceless artifact from the face of the earth, leaving the audience alone with the frustrating awe of an onlooking Terry Benedict. What we instead received was two hours of a dog humping a jar of mayonaise while Brad Pitt narrated in the background. Also starring Julia Roberts, as herself. I can't really say anything about the plot without ruining the film (or anything about the film without realizing there was no plot), but the climax of the film feels less climactic and more like an aged, limping catastrophic viagra failure. What certainly wielded the best cast of the year should of just stayed in the studio, with each castmember smacking the writer across the face with a rolled-up newspaper mockery of each failed script until something of mild talent was produced. Just avoid this movie at all costs (free being the only thing without cost). It was nice to see everyone back together again, but they seemed to be less in-character and more comfortable with the fact that when the cameras turned off, they were still just sitting around as careless as their characters. The summation of this picturesque scene only serves to imply that no one was actually acting, and not an ounce of their passions were put on the set. Exams are over, which means I actually have some free time, now. In celebration, I'm going to get stewed tonight. I have had some time to play Dragonball Z: Budokai 3, and I have (but have not yet indulged) a demo of Resident Evil 4. Reviews of each to come faster than teens on prom night. Later. - Don
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Master Ocean