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November 21, 2005 -
Simon says, "fuck you!" I have so much to talk about that this could quite possibly be the largest update of all time. Then again, I could half-ass most of it and make it ridiculously short in the hope that none of you truly care. But here at Console Biscuits, we like to use our entire ass. Indigo Prophecy. Should you get it? Sure you should. I don't care that you've never heard of it -- neither had I. But I still spent my money on it, and I'm glad I did. Basically, this is how it works: the game is established like a movie, literally. The game director wanted to immerse you in a story that progressed exactly like a movie, and he explains this in a special introduction to the tutorial. It's actually very well done, and innovative. During special action sequences, you are given two dials on the screen that honestly look like two Simon� game boards, each corresponding to your analog control, left and right. They are color-coded for my amusement, but for no other reason. One of the four quadrants in each dial will light up, and you will have to quickly move your analog stick in that direction. This requires a bit of coordination as you're moving both sticks, but successful rotation will give you a passing message, and you will perform certain maneuvers as a result. These could range from daring escapes and dodges to internal character monologues to help you decipher the story. Oh yeah, the story. Basically, the main character, Lucas, is possessed and murders a complete stranger in a bathroom in a fashion corresponding to an ancient Mayan sacrificial ritual. Begin gameplay. What you do from this point forward is absolutely awesome. A timer appears at the top of the screen where a police officer eating in the diner will approach the bathroom. What will you do? You can just run out of the bathroom, you can dash out the front or back door. Will you pay your bill or not? Will you wait in the bathroom and try to clean up the murder scene? Move the body, pick up the weapon, mop the floor, wash your hands? Everything you do from this point forward determines how the police investigation will respond to you. And oh yeah, the other main character is the police detective who's hunting you down. So you get both perspectives throughout the duration of the game. All in all, the game turns more and more paranormal, X-Files borrows a shred of Neo from the Matrix and dashes in a little Mayan fanaticism, but it's a refreshing change from the norm. You have complete character control at all times, conversational control, as well -- will you lie, what questions will you ask? Every action determines the remainder of the game. 8.5/10. The story is well over a 9, as are the graphics and sound, but the control scheme, while awesome, is difficult, and it might turn off some gamers who would prefer to have action controls for the battle sequences rather than playing a game of analog Simon. I haven't updated in a while because I've been drowning in Soul Calibur III. Let me tell you, this is hands down the best fighting game I've ever played, and that pains me to say after pouring my soul into Dead or Alive 3, the previous champion in my book. There are a few new primary characters to play in the story mode, and quite a large number of unlockable side-characters (basically, random encounters you meet along your story quest). But the real wonder in this game is the character creation mode. You start with your gender, then your fighting job class (like Monk, which would relate to Kilik and Maxi, or Saint, relating to Talim, etc). At this point, you customize every portion of their body, from clothing to colors to facial build to voice acting. Name them, style them, design them, fight them. It's completely amazing. You unlock new weapons and armor and character modelings by playing through the story mode, or a new tactics mode called Tales of the Sword. In this mode, similar to SW Battlefront II's Galactic Conquest mode, or something taken from Final Fantasy: Tactics, you command your general (who must be a custom character that you create especially for Tales of the Sword), and subsequent warriors. You will get playable characters who join your cause, or you can custom build your entire army. You never really take more than 5 into each level, which consists of taking over enemy strongholds and defeating enemies. To win fights, you can either let the computer duke it out for you on the board, or you can enter a Soul Calibur battle and fight it out yourself. Going through this mode will further unlock new job classes, and by leveling up your characters under their job classes, they will learn new disciplines. For example, you start a Ninja with Kunai, but you can unlock Katana and Shuriken, and then Grieve Edge. Then, once you reach level 30, you unlock the character's Soul. The Soul corresponds to actual Soul Calibur characters and their move sets. For example, to get the Soul of Kilik, you must have a Monk reach level 30, then you can wield the bo staff with the same control scheme as Kilik. Otherwise, you will not unlock this feature. Once you do unlock these, you can create custom characters for versus modes and anything else you wish to play. That's the only problem -- the characters you create in Tales of the Sword are only accessible in that mode, not transferrable; you have to remake them for regular play outside the tactic story. But hey, for that being the single drawback, the game easily scores above a 9. Best fighting game I've ever played, absolutely amazing graphics and tons of unlockable features to have you playing this for weeks to come. I was going to wait to say something about the Matrix: Path of Neo, but fuck that. Don't waste your time. Basically, to summarize, the in-game fighting style is incredibly fun. You will love watching some of the martial arts moves to decimate your enemies. You will love the bullet-time dodging and fights against the agents. You will absolutely want to kill yourself sitting through the "story" and piss-poor in-game voice-acting. I say "story" lightly, because, well...the one you saw in the movie is perhaps a rough sketch of the one delivered here. The Wachowskii brothers mix movie clips into cutscenes to weave the story together, except for the fact that the way they decided to cut the cutscenes are almost completely random. You'll be watching Neo run from the agents at the end of the first movie, and then get a nice cut of Cypher being killed by Tank hours prior. Somehow, I suppose, they are tying past and future scenes together, assuming you know enough about the movies to just understand what the fuck they're trying to do. Basically, you know what happens, so who cares what order you watch it in? And why the fuck do I actually get to see and hear the real actors during the movie clips, but then get some asshole who sounds nothing like Hugo Weaving TRY to taunt me in-game? Fuck you. I know the difference. That is not Agent Smith. I hated this game. It really angered me. Not to mention, they changed major plot elements of the story. I won't elaborate here, because you should never, ever play this game, and I don't want to remember it, but let's just say the final fight with Agent Smith is you versus a 50-foot tall Agent Smith robot. I. Shit. You. Not. Just...go watch the movies again, remember how poorly written the sequels actually were, and then imagine them if their creators shit all over them, repackaged these feces-ridden discs, and made you pay an additional $40 for it. 4/10. I rest my case. SSX on Tour snowboarding was fun, but it really didn't compare to its SSX 3 predecessor. You have a single mountain instead of 3, and an almost random assortment of challenges and trails you can select from, which ultimately just becomes frustrating. You'll recognize courses after you're on them, but you wonder how the fuck you got to them in the first place. The soundtrack is superior, the graphics are equal, but the actual progression of trails is just...irritating. It's a fun game if all you care about doing is just tricking yourself wildly into the air, and you can customize your rider a little more than previously (also choose between skis or snowboards), but...I don't know. It felt different from SSX 3, and it really shouldn't have. Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fuckin' fix it. 6/10. I saw the new Harry Potter movie, and it was pretty good. Very, very dark (as it should have been), with wonderful casting -- I refer, of course, to Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort. I can't really speak to audiences that read the books, because I never did, but my friends that have ventured into the novels seemed genuinely satisfied with the on-screen version. Check it out. It's a very entertaining movie and a wonderful sequel to an already huge series following. I think that brings us up to date. Coming up in our next update, I've got Square Enix's Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King, which includes a playable demo for Final Fantasy XII. I can't wait, and I'll have reviews for both. Also, Atlus' new RPG, Magna Carta: Tears of Blood, just dropped, and it rivals any game ever previously produced for the consoles in graphic power. It basically looks like Final Fantasy XII with throw-backs to Shadow Hearts: Covenant. Hey, it excited me. - Don
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Master Biscuit