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December 09, 2004 -
Hi, my name is Sony, and today, I'm here to make some really poor decisions. It's difficult enough working for an electronics conglomerate in the video games department during the holiday season. It's even more difficult when Nintendo releases the "DS," or Dual Screen -- an Uber Gameboy Advance, basically -- but has not shipped any since Thanksgiving, and Sony cannot possibly produce enough PS2s to keep angry fucking southerners, who drove all the way from the swamp, from brandishing pitchforks in the middle of my department. After creating the Slimfast PS2 -- a thinner, sexier video game console, which includes the network adapter (but conveniently neglects the capability of a fucking hard drive) -- and being completely unable to keep a single fucking unit in stores because of backordered factory productions (every website in America, including Sony, is sold out of PS2s), the good people at Sony have decided to apologize by sending out a holiday demo disc that completely deletes your memory card. Oh yes, I know what you're thinking: Brilliant! "It has just been brought to our attention that there is a glitch in this demo which will erase all of your saved files from your memory card," Sony stated in an advisory. "If you have not yet played the 'Viewtiful Joe 2' demo, please remove your memory card from your PlayStation 2 before you load the Holiday 2004 Demo Disc. Sony Computer Entertainment America would like to express our sincerest apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you." Inconvenience? Are you kidding? That means I get to restart every game I've ever owned. Thank you, Sony Entertainment of America, for giving us this opportunity to play these timeless games once again. ...Fortunately, you couldn't get me to play Viewtiful Joe with a shotgun and a paycheck, so I'm sorry for those of you out there who believe that shiny, bright objects are entertaining enough to indulge. My heart goes out to you who have lost your precious save games and now have to reinvest your time and money into purchasing an X-Box and the same games for that system just to spite Sony. If Metal Gear Solid 3 had not been the best game I'd ever played in my entire life, I'd do the same. In fact, now that I've finished it, I may beat my roommate to death and steal his X-Box, or use my discount to purchase my own. Movies. The Bourne Supremacy came out on DVD this week. While I've heard that this movie has absolutely nothing more to do with the book other than the main characters having the same name, I can say (as someone who has not read the book) that the movie was amazingly well-done. If you saw The Bourne Identity and enjoyed it, expect more of the same from a slightly more intensely, aggressively motivated Matt Damon. Also, this is the first movie (ever?) that sends the character to Moscow and actually uses Moscow as a filming location (instead of Prague, or someplace similar). Or maybe it was just the first time they've used the Moscow city streets for a car chase scene. That was cool for me, since I was there this past summer and recognized a lot of the places in the film. Music. Lindsay fucking Lohan. I don't know if she can sing at all, but she's gorgeous. The...picture of her on the cover is nice. I, uh...yeah, so I might not have listened to this one. But hot. Very hot. Apparently someone in management recognized the fact that I run my department and can sell video games to blind people, as they have moved me to a full-time employee. That means less sleep, more work, and even less time. If I find any of the latter, I'll report on DBZ: Budokai 3 this weekend slash next week. With final exams midweek, don't expect much from me until the 17th. I can spare you the suspense and just tell you to fucking buy the game. It's fun. Details to follow. - Don
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Master Biscuit